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Parents and You (Inspired by darkdynasty)

Keep in mind this is coming from a 29.98-year-old Korean who lived more than 2/3 of his life in Korea... :D

darkdynasty wrote:

am i the only one who thinks like this?

i was talking about how just because my parents are my parents does not mean i have to get tell them everything im doin or where i am spending my money and such. I feel that family is family at that you should treat them well, but that does not mean they have the right to control your life since your life is your own and you should live your life as you want it. you make your money you spend where you want it and such. But according to my noona and my parents that is not the case. if you want to spend your money you should tell or consol with your parents first. do you think this is necessary?

Unless something catastrophic happens in your relationship with your family (which shouldn't), they have a right, in principle, to be updated about what's going on in your life.  How much you are willing to open up and how much they want to know is a largely subjective measure.  Of course you may not want to discuss something very private with your mom or dad, and it's only natural.  However, they might get offended if they figure out you're hiding something from them, even when you tell them you view it as your private matter.  A lot of Korean parents1 have an issue respecting their children's privacy.

In fact, it's not just those individual parents' problem, but a cultural problem—although things have dramatically improved in the past couple of decades, most children in Korea faced a socially gratified invasion of privacy from their parents.  Some say it's even justified because parents nurture their kids and even have a right to monitor their kids' life so they don't succumb to vice.  However, these justifications are largely moot once the children reach the adulthood, when they should be given a primary control over what happens in their lives.  Sadly many parents (especially first generation immigrants) fail to realize this.  They feel obliged to become their kids' guardian forever.

More to come later...  Gotta get prepared and go to work. XD

Edit: drhikaru followed up with what I wanted to say in the rest of this post: [ But then, parents—not just Korean ones, but in general—can't trust their kid all of a sudden when the kid reaches adulthood, so... ]

1 I guess the situation would be similar in other East Asian families, but I'm not 100% sure.


My parents always had a lot of, shall we say, "regulatory oversight" over me when I was growing up. Now that I'm out of the house and nearly 1000 miles away, that oversight has reduced significantly. I run stuff by them as a matter of courtesy, but I don't feel like I have to tell them everything. In a sense, I think they are definitely relieved of having to worry about me anymore.

Of course, my parents are pretty atypical in themselves, so maybe we are all just weird.


I would agree with what you say, it works for Filipino families in general, and it is true in my case. But I think a lot of it is trust, you know? Like you say, parents want to know so that they don't succumb to vice. A lot of it is growing up for both parties. If you aren't a responsible adult, but say you are, then of course your parents will view otherwise. In other words, have you really gotten your priorities straight? Sometimes parents have a hard time letting go because they don't want you to fail and they'd rather make sure you have it good while you can. They know you'll learn from your mistakes, but sometimes they just want to make your life easier.

*goes to comment back on the original post*

Re: *thinks*

i've always told my parents what i'm up to.. as a result, they completely trust me and that i can make good decisions, be responsible, etcetc =/

i believe they have the right to know what's going on just so they can keep their kids in line.. it's all with good intentions though some parents do go overboard
i dunt mind my parents knowing what i do and where i spend my money, the problem lies when they say, "i wish youd tell me these things" and i ask "would you have let me if i did" and they respond with shout and fury "NO!!!"
i suppose that sounds a bit selfish but when it something as insignificant as buying a little toy for my self, i dont seem it such an occassion for a fight to break out. now if i was asking them if i wanted to marry a girl or spend all my money on a wacked idea then im at fault.

what im trying to say is, when my parents get like that, and even if i did tell them what i was gonna do and they objected, the final choice is ultimately mine and i would have done it which would cause just more stress anguish and and undue yelling and shouting.