The Tridecadal Korean (astralblue) wrote,
The Tridecadal Korean


So you said, what satisfaction would there be to get in a relationship where one opens oneself up only so much?  Right you are, not much.  And that statement was about me _and_ you, now I see.  Hah.

I myself had a very peculiar way of regarding a relationship, and so did you, yes, we all knew that from the beginning.  Remember what I asked for when this relationship first started?  If there appears anything that seems like incompatibility, or anything to be desired, or anything about which you wanna say "No, things wouldn't work like that," just point it flat out, so both of us can be flexible in dealing with such obstacles.  Looks like you forgot that, eh?

Or, come to think of it now, perhaps to you, that kind of interaction was way too out of question to be a viable option to deal with crises.  Why?  You already admitted in one of your posts, you are very _unilateral_ in setting up relationships.  That means, you see a person, calculate compatibility as a function of the past and the present (both yours and his), predict possible results (which you said had usually been right) then draw the _final_ verdict out of it.

Do you see what is largely precluded in that process -- perhaps even without your knowing?  It is the fact that relationship often changes both individuals involved, and that kind of change is reflexive -- it steers the relationship well off the originally predicted course.  Because of this, the crises that you seem to try and prevent (by being "prudent" as you say) happen _anyways_ in any prolonged relationship.  What I asked for in the beginning was exactly for this: Preparing ourselves for such crises, which are neither abnormal nor pathological.  Yet you completely ignored this, and presented me only with the distilled verdict ("No, this is not gonna work.  Why?  Because I will give you hard times in the end" -- nothing could've been more unhelpingly vague than this), omitting all the incompatible aspects you alleged to have seen about me.

Perhaps you thought it would be wrong for you to change what kind of person I am, and in fact that is one pronounced peculiarity of yours.  The thing is, it eventually gets in your way: If you are uncomfortable -- or perhaps afraid -- of changing the person you are involved in a relationship with, you would have a very hard time of finding someone who you can regard as a true soulmate.  The reason? Simple: It is virtually impossible to find someone 100% compatible with you.  And it's only you that can help yourself out of it.  I already told you this back when you first told me we'd break up (we were still on rather good terms back then); it seems to have fallen on a deaf ear.

Oh well.  I give up.  Your life, your decision.  Good luck.

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